i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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