What did we do last night that was yellow?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
