I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
