Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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