My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
