It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
