My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
