I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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