if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
