I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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