Jerry, you need to find god
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
