i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
