I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
