are you still at the devil's house?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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