ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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