Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
