I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
