Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
