saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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