I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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