I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this just has baby written all over it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Randomize
