man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize