recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
