she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's get the cat blown out
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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