even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
