i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
