Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize