3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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