yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We are two peas in an std pod
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
