Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
