I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
