Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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