just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
