i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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