I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
