Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's like iHOP with fire
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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