We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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