i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
