Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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