My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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