so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
