Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
