Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
