Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
