Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
