I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
