Pappa wants mamma naked
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize