wat bout pragnant strippers??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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