So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
