people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
