So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
