Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
