I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize