I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
