i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
