she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
