I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
