I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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