i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
cat food counts as protein by the way
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
