Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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