That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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