youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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