yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
