Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
