Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize